Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Things we do for our children
I never thought I'd do this, but I: (a) used my food processor and (b) made baby food! Thanks to my friend RJS for getting me Annabel Karmel's 100 Baby Food Puree (not exact title I don't think) book so I could use some recipes! This is chicken, sweet potato and apple (without the onion as the recipe calls for):
Still Healing...
As I was driving in to teach week 2 of my summer course I heard a story about fertility on NPR: http://www.npr.org/2011/05/31/136401095/nudging-young-women-to-think-about-fertility As I heard the women talk about why they had chosen to freeze their eggs and how a 40 year old woman walked out of a workshop frustrated because she wished she had known about such an option earlier in her life...I began to cry! I thought I would have to pull over as my eyes filled with tears and my vision became blurry! Oh Lord! I thought time and a beautiful baby boy would heal (and maybe make me forget) the losses, the frustration of trying, the anger at hearing my age mentioned at OBGyn appointments as a bad thing, the sadness, the shame, the pain....OY! I am so thankful for our miracle baby and grateful that once pregnant that the pregnancy went well and the delivery was as easy as the pregnancy; and I was not prepared to be moved to tears by any story on fertility, eggs, etc. I guess I foolishly thought that once I had a baby, that the memories and pain would go away. Today on the highway I was reminded that life is precious and that the biology of it all is complicated! Damn NPR for their informative educational programming (ha-ha-ha)!
I still cringe as my sisters-in-law ask when we're planning baby #2, I just look at them and ask with my eyes "Did you forget how long it took us to have this baby?! Do you not remember what we went through?!" The insensitivity is so huge! I guess regardless of what you go through to get pregnant and give birth, people forget once you have a live healthy baby and assume you can do it again with the snap of your fingers. I'm thankful for our miracle, we are so in love with him and so humbled by the whole process, and in no hurry to go through what we think might be traumatic again! I guess you never forget and that will have to be o.k. I suppose.
Today my heart, prayers, and thoughts are with those still TTC and to those who have been there...Life is precious and not as easy as we think to create!
I still cringe as my sisters-in-law ask when we're planning baby #2, I just look at them and ask with my eyes "Did you forget how long it took us to have this baby?! Do you not remember what we went through?!" The insensitivity is so huge! I guess regardless of what you go through to get pregnant and give birth, people forget once you have a live healthy baby and assume you can do it again with the snap of your fingers. I'm thankful for our miracle, we are so in love with him and so humbled by the whole process, and in no hurry to go through what we think might be traumatic again! I guess you never forget and that will have to be o.k. I suppose.
Today my heart, prayers, and thoughts are with those still TTC and to those who have been there...Life is precious and not as easy as we think to create!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Cultural Competency
Those of you who know my teaching and research agenda know that cultural competency is a BIG platform for me. My colleague K.H. in Chicago asked me to contribute to a book on couples of African descent and sex, love, and intimacy. My chapter will be on inter-cultural couples of African descent. I think I'm well-versed in cultural competency in terms of teaching my social work students about how to learn about, interact with, respect, etc. other cultures. But I have to say my own cultural competency with my husband's culture still baffles me! For those of you who don't know, he is Cameroonian (West African) and many Africans have very nice and unique traditions and they also have some specific ways in which family members should interact. I am married to the youngest son, his eldest brother is visiting, his oldest female cousin is also visiting....I know there's something I'm supposed to do, my husband doesn't always buy into the African family traditions, etc. so he just keeps saying "do what you want to do" (his family would consider him to be Americanized) and that is fine AND I also want to be sure I honor the birth order of his brother and cousin. Did I also mention that my husband is the chosen head of family and so our son is the next-in-line to the family "throne" so to speak! So I have some other role I should be doing as wife to the head of family and mother of this child, but who knows what that is! :-)
I decided to do what I think crosses cultures and boundaries and unknown spaces (which is what I would tell a student to do), I'm making fried & baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, greens, corn bread and fried catfish because where my family is from that's how you welcome and honor others - goes southern food! If you're in MA next week, stop by and partake with us, you'll get to see the full circle of cultural food.
As for what else I should be doing, I guess I'm not going to worry about it because as in all families there will be someone I'm sure to guide me and someone to snide about how I'm not doing it right! :-) God bless our families!
I decided to do what I think crosses cultures and boundaries and unknown spaces (which is what I would tell a student to do), I'm making fried & baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, greens, corn bread and fried catfish because where my family is from that's how you welcome and honor others - goes southern food! If you're in MA next week, stop by and partake with us, you'll get to see the full circle of cultural food.
As for what else I should be doing, I guess I'm not going to worry about it because as in all families there will be someone I'm sure to guide me and someone to snide about how I'm not doing it right! :-) God bless our families!
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Perspective Part 2
This a.m. on NPR they were interviewing people who have lost their houses & loved ones in the tornadoes that have hit the mid-west. One woman said she had been talking about simplifying her life and asked "how many sets of sheets and towels does one really need?" Good question!
Yesterday I was annoyed and resentful because I have been feeling over-worked and under-appreciated at home (I pick up & drop-off the baby, wash & fill the bottles, make dinner, wash dishes, clean bathrooms, do laundry and go to my job for which I get paid) - my friend told me to stop it, set some limits, and make a schedule where I have a day off or out! I'm going to work on that. But...I was annoyed because the spare bedroom needed to be cleaned up because out of town guests are arriving for my niece's graduation and there were no sheets on the bed, so they needed to be washed and the bed needed to be made up. I had stayed home with the baby because he had conjunctivitis, I was tired, the husband would not be home until after 9 p.m. because he had class, the last thing I wanted to do was to wash sheets and clean the spare bedroom!
Despite the fact that my wise friend is right, I need to set better limits and discuss a schedule with my husband (we're new parents so this division of labor thing is new for us and I hope we'll work it out soon), I stopped and thought about why the spare bedroom needed to be cleaned. My niece, a cancer survivor is graduating from an ivy-league university! I am so excited and proud and happy to have her be a part of our lives! She loves her little cousin (our son), she often asks to babysit, she is funny, smart, beautiful, and I would clean a dozen bedrooms in order to celebrate her graduation.
I married into a large family, which as an only child, is a blessing of sorts. I now have tons of people to call on for help (who also give unsolicited advice). I get to be a part of lots of wonderful celebrations, graduation being one of them. Today, despite my resentment and annoyance, I feel blessed to be able to have a spare bedroom that has a bed that needs clean sheets because this means I have a house that has not been blown away by a tornado. Which reminds me: I need 2 sets of sheets - 1 for my bedroom and 1 for the spare bedroom - which is contrary to what my mother said and modeled growing up - we had sheet sets to share with all of Joplin, MO if they needed!
God bless the people in the path of the tornadoes, may they find their loved ones safe and my they rebuild their lives as quickly as humanly possible.
Yesterday I was annoyed and resentful because I have been feeling over-worked and under-appreciated at home (I pick up & drop-off the baby, wash & fill the bottles, make dinner, wash dishes, clean bathrooms, do laundry and go to my job for which I get paid) - my friend told me to stop it, set some limits, and make a schedule where I have a day off or out! I'm going to work on that. But...I was annoyed because the spare bedroom needed to be cleaned up because out of town guests are arriving for my niece's graduation and there were no sheets on the bed, so they needed to be washed and the bed needed to be made up. I had stayed home with the baby because he had conjunctivitis, I was tired, the husband would not be home until after 9 p.m. because he had class, the last thing I wanted to do was to wash sheets and clean the spare bedroom!
Despite the fact that my wise friend is right, I need to set better limits and discuss a schedule with my husband (we're new parents so this division of labor thing is new for us and I hope we'll work it out soon), I stopped and thought about why the spare bedroom needed to be cleaned. My niece, a cancer survivor is graduating from an ivy-league university! I am so excited and proud and happy to have her be a part of our lives! She loves her little cousin (our son), she often asks to babysit, she is funny, smart, beautiful, and I would clean a dozen bedrooms in order to celebrate her graduation.
I married into a large family, which as an only child, is a blessing of sorts. I now have tons of people to call on for help (who also give unsolicited advice). I get to be a part of lots of wonderful celebrations, graduation being one of them. Today, despite my resentment and annoyance, I feel blessed to be able to have a spare bedroom that has a bed that needs clean sheets because this means I have a house that has not been blown away by a tornado. Which reminds me: I need 2 sets of sheets - 1 for my bedroom and 1 for the spare bedroom - which is contrary to what my mother said and modeled growing up - we had sheet sets to share with all of Joplin, MO if they needed!
God bless the people in the path of the tornadoes, may they find their loved ones safe and my they rebuild their lives as quickly as humanly possible.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Perspsective Part 1
At the end of the day, I get to come home to my husband and my baby boy. This has become what I am calling "family therapy" which to mean means that my family provides me therapy just by being.
Craziness has been swirling at work - academia can be such a strange and wonderful place, but sometimes just down-right annoying and angering! I declared out loud that if things didn't work out for me (I'm not yet tenured) I wouldn't mind working at Target and Starbucks (2 of my favorite stores...the new Target by my house has a Starbucks inside). The spring semester is winding down (well, it's over really because summer school started today) and I'm feeling more and more like I should find a way to be a stay-at-home mom and wife!
There's also extended family craziness, but isn't there always?
Ngwa attended his first birthday party - see picture. He seemed overwhelmed by it all, but did not run away from Elmo. He flirted with 2 little girls - a red head and a cute brunette! LOL! So at the end of a week of craziness which is ushering in another week of madness, I got to take my son to his first birthday party. It was sheer joy and i am trying to live in and cherish these moments!
This is Ngwa and mommy, Tommy and Laurie (fellow UCSB alum and www.thefamilythatlaughstogether.blogspot.com)
Craziness has been swirling at work - academia can be such a strange and wonderful place, but sometimes just down-right annoying and angering! I declared out loud that if things didn't work out for me (I'm not yet tenured) I wouldn't mind working at Target and Starbucks (2 of my favorite stores...the new Target by my house has a Starbucks inside). The spring semester is winding down (well, it's over really because summer school started today) and I'm feeling more and more like I should find a way to be a stay-at-home mom and wife!
There's also extended family craziness, but isn't there always?
Ngwa attended his first birthday party - see picture. He seemed overwhelmed by it all, but did not run away from Elmo. He flirted with 2 little girls - a red head and a cute brunette! LOL! So at the end of a week of craziness which is ushering in another week of madness, I got to take my son to his first birthday party. It was sheer joy and i am trying to live in and cherish these moments!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Leavin' Sleepin' Baby Early in the Mornin'
Just a quick vent: I really hate waking up my sleeping baby in order to get him ready to go to the baby-sitter just because we have to go to work. I appreciate my maternity leave (although I think the U.S. is waaay behind other countries in terms of what we could/should provide...Germany provides 12 paid months of PATERNITY leave), and I like my job quite a bit (notice I didn't say "love" my job), but geesh! I wanna be home with my cute little guy who is changing every day and is so much fun to be around! I keep trying to figure out how to teach full-time online! :-)
Monday, May 16, 2011
Kids & Manners
I like this: http://www.parents.com/kids/development/social/25-manners-kids-should-know/ I feel as if many children have lost their manners!
Education
Last night I watched Soledad O'Brien's "Don't Fail Me Now" on CNN, www.soledadobriendinfoblogspot.com. It is always a mixed emotional experience to watch any documentary on education in America. You want so badly for our students to excel and be the best in the world and then the reality that all schools are not funded equally breaks your heart; coupled with unmotivated students, hopelessness, etc., etc., etc. Now that I'm a mommy I'm so much more aware and concerned about my child's future education! Public? Private? Charter? OY! We just spent weeks deciding on a daycare center! Good grief!!!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Walks, Teething, Pooping, and Water Bottles
Yesterday was one of the few days this spring that has been nice in Massachusetts. I luckily got to leave work early and picked Ngwa up and we went for a great walk. Of course, everyone wants to stop and talk with the cute baby! We met Isabella, a 5 month old Cambodian cutie-pie, whom Ngwa promptly began to flirt with! Oh Lord, help me now!!!
To go with the two bottom teeth, 2 new teeth are growing on top! YAY! We'll be eating chicken and rice in no time!
Ngwa fins the word "poop" and "pooping" to be very funny! I have to record his laugh because it is amazingly cute and contagious! (right now he's crying because I'm typing and not holding him....not so cute!)
We feel guilty eating in front of the baby, because he opens up his mouth and grabs out for our food! We feed him before we eat, but he still wants to lean in and eat also - anyone got any suggestions for this one? He especially gets fussy when we drink out of a water bottle - it looks like his milk bottle and maybe thinks we're stealing his food!
Lastly, he's eating carrots, peas, and bananas. Next week will be sweet potatoes! YUM!
Lovin' Motherhood....Gott work on the Wife part a little bit more......
To go with the two bottom teeth, 2 new teeth are growing on top! YAY! We'll be eating chicken and rice in no time!
Ngwa fins the word "poop" and "pooping" to be very funny! I have to record his laugh because it is amazingly cute and contagious! (right now he's crying because I'm typing and not holding him....not so cute!)
We feel guilty eating in front of the baby, because he opens up his mouth and grabs out for our food! We feed him before we eat, but he still wants to lean in and eat also - anyone got any suggestions for this one? He especially gets fussy when we drink out of a water bottle - it looks like his milk bottle and maybe thinks we're stealing his food!
Lastly, he's eating carrots, peas, and bananas. Next week will be sweet potatoes! YUM!
Starting Over
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