So I grew up in earthquake country also known as California. So I got used to not being able to prepare for that unexpected natural event. Fire safety was drilled into our heads, so I think I know how to avoid starting a fire but really am unsure what to do if my house catches on fire (maybe J and I should discuss that soon....just in case).
I moved to GA and experienced tornadoes and learned where to hunker down and what to bring with me into the "bunker."It's good to have an Army reservist as a room-mate who believes in being prepared and owns a battery operated transistor radio. I also learned about winter ice there because it rarely snowed - everything just froze!
I moved to New England and have weathered some what I consider to be bad snow storms. I've mastered driving in the white stuff and am even capable of shoveling it! I know to take extra clothing + blanket to work in case I get stuck; and to use kitty litter if I get stuck in a parking space....or at least I think I know how to handle snow and snow storms!
A hurricane seems like a different beast, especially with a 9 month old. J and I used to ride out power outages by eating out in the next town over and cuddling. Don't think we're supposed to be out in a hurricane and I think we need power for the baby's sake. So I've done the following:
1. asked J to get a generator (maybe he will....maybe he won't.....inBetween herein lies what you just blogged about!)
2. Bought water, flashlights, batteries, candles, matches. ready to drink formula, adult snacks.....
3. Packed everyone an overnight bag, which now includes extra diapers, wipes, plush toy + rattle and soft books, first aid kit
4. Cleared space in basement office in case that's where we end up having to sleep....thinking about making a reservation at the local hotel...just in case....
5. What else?
I guess 1938 and 1991 were bad years around here, so I want to be prepared. After all there was an earthquake in VA that was felt for several states up and across! Earthquakes aren't supposed to happen in VA and as far as I'm concerned hurricanes should stay out in the oceans and not come to New England - we get almost 6 months of snow! Give us a break!
Stay tuned for "How babies break the racial barriers adults set up" :-)
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
New School Year Resolutions
I know that people traditionally make resolutions on or near January 1st. I tend to make resolutions twice a year: on or near my birthday and in August or September when the new school year begins!
My resolutions:
1. Continue to love and care for baby; watch him grow; try not to over-react when another kid bites him (happened this week)
2. Find more time for hubby (it would be nice to have a date night....once a month maybe???)
3. Find more time for mommy (yea, right) - can I get my nails done?
4. Grade all my student's papers on time
5. Remember my student's names (I usually do pretty good with this)
6. Keep my office clean (ha-ha-ha-ha) - the university should offer personalized maid service!
7. Breathe before I speak and maybe also count to 100....
8. Mind my own business; don't give unsolicited advice (don't give advice, period), no gossip
9. show appreciation out loud for those I care about & for those I see doing "good stuff" - I think everyone likes to be acknowledged
10. Remember all the things my mommy told me growing up and live by them - she's a smart woman! And call her more often to give her updates!
Grandma & Baby in Atlanta, July 2011
11. And...do all that other stuff I'm supposed to do for tenure, etc.
My resolutions:
1. Continue to love and care for baby; watch him grow; try not to over-react when another kid bites him (happened this week)
2. Find more time for hubby (it would be nice to have a date night....once a month maybe???)
3. Find more time for mommy (yea, right) - can I get my nails done?
4. Grade all my student's papers on time
5. Remember my student's names (I usually do pretty good with this)
6. Keep my office clean (ha-ha-ha-ha) - the university should offer personalized maid service!
7. Breathe before I speak and maybe also count to 100....
8. Mind my own business; don't give unsolicited advice (don't give advice, period), no gossip
9. show appreciation out loud for those I care about & for those I see doing "good stuff" - I think everyone likes to be acknowledged
10. Remember all the things my mommy told me growing up and live by them - she's a smart woman! And call her more often to give her updates!
Grandma & Baby in Atlanta, July 201111. And...do all that other stuff I'm supposed to do for tenure, etc.
Monday, August 15, 2011
On Not Being Able/Willing to do the "Balancing/Multi-tasking" Act
September is right around the corner. I know this because our state just had it's "tax-free" weekend so people could run out and buy their back-to-school items and some other items not related to school (washers, dryers, big screen televisions, etc.). We don't do back-to-school shopping yet. What I do is back-to-school panic! I am fortunate enough because of ym faculty job to kind of have all summer off (I do teach summer school but it's optional so I don't count it as "work" although it definitely is working...)
I panic because mid-August hits and I say out loud to anyone who will listen "What happened to my 3 months? And why did I not finish 1 project that I was supposed to begin this summer?" It is disappointing but also puts me in a panic. I am on tenure-track, not yet tenured and need to be doing some serious work. Most of which I intended to do this summer, AND (not but) we went on vacation with our baby for the 1st time, spent quality time with friends and family, spent more time with baby, and got some cleaning done. So I wrote the following about balancing/multi-tasking and trying to do it all (it's in draft form); it's kind of long because it's going to a journal soon...
I panic because mid-August hits and I say out loud to anyone who will listen "What happened to my 3 months? And why did I not finish 1 project that I was supposed to begin this summer?" It is disappointing but also puts me in a panic. I am on tenure-track, not yet tenured and need to be doing some serious work. Most of which I intended to do this summer, AND (not but) we went on vacation with our baby for the 1st time, spent quality time with friends and family, spent more time with baby, and got some cleaning done. So I wrote the following about balancing/multi-tasking and trying to do it all (it's in draft form); it's kind of long because it's going to a journal soon...
I am late in submitting my book chapter, I should have started my reappointment portfolio a month ago, I have not checked voice-mail messages in over 1 week, I am avoiding running the stats from my survey project, and my baby just woke up from a nap so I gotta go tend to him (which means it will be another few days before I get back to this opinion piece which has been waiting to be written for 9 months now)!
It seems that being good at multi-tasking is an admirable trait these days. The ability to send an email while taking a telephone call and making dinner is often applauded. The apparent ability to multi-task (despite the studies say that we should not encourage it in our children) helps one be more productive and keep things balanced. I am so over trying to multi-task and balance the different aspects of my life that need balancing. Something has got to give, but what?
For a couple of decades now women (and men also) have been debating the work-outside-the-home mom vs. work-i- the-home-mom (formerly known as “stay-at-home-mom). I have come to realize that an individual’s stance on this issue may change as she or he progresses through life stages and perhaps has a child of her or his own, losses a job, witnesses a spouse loss a job, job become more fulfilling than imagined, etc. In my younger days (pre-Ph.D. completion) I fantasized about being a stay-at-home mom. I also fantasized about being married to a wealthy international businessman and jaunting off on weekend trips around the world, starting a fabulous non-profit to help women and children in impoverished regions, teaching the world to read, meeting my equally wealthy girlfriends for days of service and toting our babies around to political rallies in stylish clothing not made by child laborers! It is nice to dream from time to time and then reality hits (or I win the lottery which I do not currently play).
My current fantasy is about not doing the balancing act. Our family recently took a trip south to visit family and friends. My Godmother awed out loud at my ability to be up, showered, dressed, and making breakfast for everyone while keeping our 9 month entertained at 8 a.m. I smiled proudly and said “Yea, and you should see me when I’m working.” What? Am I insane? Why was I proudly smiling and bragging that I can do this or better when school is in session? I must be losing my mind or suffering from what I call summer amnesia! When school is in session and I am teaching a full load, working towards tenure, struggling to maintain some type of social connection with my friends, struggling to be a doting wife and now an attentive mommy and I am TIRED! Why the hell am I trying to balance it all? Oh! Because someone told me that this is what the modern-day woman is supposed to do. My grandmother stayed home and from time to time worked part-time, but was mostly a mom and wife. My mother was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She hired a live-in nanny/housekeeper and focused on her career. I thought I wanted to balance both of those lifestyles.
Who am I kidding?! Just working towards tenure is a full-time job, not to mention that my teaching load is a full-time job aside from advising, sitting on committees, working in the community, and did I mention that sometimes I want to eat, take a shower, or dare I say it – get my hair or nails done???
The pressure is obviously self-imposed. And society also has this expectation that women who choose to work outside of their homes and have families will balance it all out. In some other economic era we might have been able to hire help, but then I would not truly be balancing it all myself – that’s kind of like cheating right? Or is it? I feel as if I have arrived at some point in life where some serious decisions need to be made about what is most important. Duh! My spouse and baby of course, and in order to help maintain our family unit I have to work (because we are not independently wealthy nor have we won the lottery), which given my educational background means teaching, advising, service, publishing, etc. So maybe the answer is to choose another career? Maybe I’m just having a mid-life pre-tenure crisis! But I am serious about the fact that I am done trying to balance it all…I do not yet know what, but something is going to have to give.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Ectopic Pregnancy Survey
My colleague and I are beginning to collect stories from women who have experienced an ectopic pregnancy. To learn more or refer someone go to
My new found fear: A mother's anxiety kicks in!
I've been meaning to get these thoughts out there sooner, but motherhood often calls! LOL!
The "random" (news media description) violence around the world has me on edge. When we first learned we were having a baby boy my heart and soul was filled with joy! All kinds of future moments flashed through my head - soccer, baseball, deodorant, hiking, teaching manners & gentleness, first dates, etc, etc...As my due date approached I became deeply reflective about the fact that I was about to give birth to a boy of African descent in the United States! That thought filled me with all kinds of emotion, but primarily I instinctively became "protective" and "cautious." Glad to be married and have a positive male figure firmly planted in our son's life, I smiled and labored on. As my pregnancy went on I quickly forgot those thoughts as other things were taking precedence; until recently...
Flash mob violence in Philadelphia, the cop-killing of a schizophrenic man in Orange County, CA, racial tensions and violence in London, unrest in Syria, seemingly random violent home invasions in my home state and surrounding states,children killing teachers, etc. have me afraid. I'm not afraid of much - snakes maybe, but not much else. I wasn't scared to fly after Sept. 11th 2001, I'm not afraid to go to new or different places, I am not afraid of strangers (although I probably should be!)...I cannot help but think about the world I have brought my child into. Some people choose not to have children because they truly believe the world is too violent and unstable to raise a child appropriately. I do not believe that, but I am concerned.
Will there be more peace or more violence when he enters school? Will racial and religious discrimination still be prominent? Will I have to teach him about prejudice and why some people dislike others because of the color of their skin? Will I stay up late worrying about how/where he is when he goes out with friends? Will I become a crazy mom who either does not let her child go anywhere or monitors his whereabouts every 15 minutes?
My parents taught me no fear! They taught me how to be happy, how to go after my dreams, how to treat others well, how to be proud and succeed. They did not teach me about prejudice or discrimination. I learned on my own through a difficult experience in middle school. After which my parents had a lot to say on the topic! I grew up slightly sheltered and protected. I do not think that's an option in today's world...unless we move to Cameroon, which would have it's on set of problems right?
It seems so early in his life for me to be worried about such things - his interactions with others, the possibility of discrimination, being a victim of violence, etc., etc., etc. but this is what mothers do right? Worry! I do not want to prohibit him in anyway from doing whatever will allow him to grow and be happy, but already I am feeling very protective and that instinct comes from my experience(s), my deep love for him, my knowledge of this world, and well....a healthy dose of new found fear (partly based on my son's gender, partly based on his racial identity, partly based because of some weird mother-thing that just happened to me recently)!
Where's the assurance policy that states my son will live a happy, productive, worry-free, trouble-free, prejudice and discrimination-free, successful life and that his parents will not ever have to worry about him? I may have missed the fine print on the Gerber College/Life Insurance Plan application....did anyone else see it?
The "random" (news media description) violence around the world has me on edge. When we first learned we were having a baby boy my heart and soul was filled with joy! All kinds of future moments flashed through my head - soccer, baseball, deodorant, hiking, teaching manners & gentleness, first dates, etc, etc...As my due date approached I became deeply reflective about the fact that I was about to give birth to a boy of African descent in the United States! That thought filled me with all kinds of emotion, but primarily I instinctively became "protective" and "cautious." Glad to be married and have a positive male figure firmly planted in our son's life, I smiled and labored on. As my pregnancy went on I quickly forgot those thoughts as other things were taking precedence; until recently...
Flash mob violence in Philadelphia, the cop-killing of a schizophrenic man in Orange County, CA, racial tensions and violence in London, unrest in Syria, seemingly random violent home invasions in my home state and surrounding states,children killing teachers, etc. have me afraid. I'm not afraid of much - snakes maybe, but not much else. I wasn't scared to fly after Sept. 11th 2001, I'm not afraid to go to new or different places, I am not afraid of strangers (although I probably should be!)...I cannot help but think about the world I have brought my child into. Some people choose not to have children because they truly believe the world is too violent and unstable to raise a child appropriately. I do not believe that, but I am concerned.
Will there be more peace or more violence when he enters school? Will racial and religious discrimination still be prominent? Will I have to teach him about prejudice and why some people dislike others because of the color of their skin? Will I stay up late worrying about how/where he is when he goes out with friends? Will I become a crazy mom who either does not let her child go anywhere or monitors his whereabouts every 15 minutes?
My parents taught me no fear! They taught me how to be happy, how to go after my dreams, how to treat others well, how to be proud and succeed. They did not teach me about prejudice or discrimination. I learned on my own through a difficult experience in middle school. After which my parents had a lot to say on the topic! I grew up slightly sheltered and protected. I do not think that's an option in today's world...unless we move to Cameroon, which would have it's on set of problems right?
It seems so early in his life for me to be worried about such things - his interactions with others, the possibility of discrimination, being a victim of violence, etc., etc., etc. but this is what mothers do right? Worry! I do not want to prohibit him in anyway from doing whatever will allow him to grow and be happy, but already I am feeling very protective and that instinct comes from my experience(s), my deep love for him, my knowledge of this world, and well....a healthy dose of new found fear (partly based on my son's gender, partly based on his racial identity, partly based because of some weird mother-thing that just happened to me recently)!
Where's the assurance policy that states my son will live a happy, productive, worry-free, trouble-free, prejudice and discrimination-free, successful life and that his parents will not ever have to worry about him? I may have missed the fine print on the Gerber College/Life Insurance Plan application....did anyone else see it?
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