I've been meaning to get these thoughts out there sooner, but motherhood often calls! LOL!
The "random" (news media description) violence around the world has me on edge. When we first learned we were having a baby boy my heart and soul was filled with joy! All kinds of future moments flashed through my head - soccer, baseball, deodorant, hiking, teaching manners & gentleness, first dates, etc, etc...As my due date approached I became deeply reflective about the fact that I was about to give birth to a boy of African descent in the United States! That thought filled me with all kinds of emotion, but primarily I instinctively became "protective" and "cautious." Glad to be married and have a positive male figure firmly planted in our son's life, I smiled and labored on. As my pregnancy went on I quickly forgot those thoughts as other things were taking precedence; until recently...
Flash mob violence in Philadelphia, the cop-killing of a schizophrenic man in Orange County, CA, racial tensions and violence in London, unrest in Syria, seemingly random violent home invasions in my home state and surrounding states,children killing teachers, etc. have me afraid. I'm not afraid of much - snakes maybe, but not much else. I wasn't scared to fly after Sept. 11th 2001, I'm not afraid to go to new or different places, I am not afraid of strangers (although I probably should be!)...I cannot help but think about the world I have brought my child into. Some people choose not to have children because they truly believe the world is too violent and unstable to raise a child appropriately. I do not believe that, but I am concerned.
Will there be more peace or more violence when he enters school? Will racial and religious discrimination still be prominent? Will I have to teach him about prejudice and why some people dislike others because of the color of their skin? Will I stay up late worrying about how/where he is when he goes out with friends? Will I become a crazy mom who either does not let her child go anywhere or monitors his whereabouts every 15 minutes?
My parents taught me no fear! They taught me how to be happy, how to go after my dreams, how to treat others well, how to be proud and succeed. They did not teach me about prejudice or discrimination. I learned on my own through a difficult experience in middle school. After which my parents had a lot to say on the topic! I grew up slightly sheltered and protected. I do not think that's an option in today's world...unless we move to Cameroon, which would have it's on set of problems right?
It seems so early in his life for me to be worried about such things - his interactions with others, the possibility of discrimination, being a victim of violence, etc., etc., etc. but this is what mothers do right? Worry! I do not want to prohibit him in anyway from doing whatever will allow him to grow and be happy, but already I am feeling very protective and that instinct comes from my experience(s), my deep love for him, my knowledge of this world, and well....a healthy dose of new found fear (partly based on my son's gender, partly based on his racial identity, partly based because of some weird mother-thing that just happened to me recently)!
Where's the assurance policy that states my son will live a happy, productive, worry-free, trouble-free, prejudice and discrimination-free, successful life and that his parents will not ever have to worry about him? I may have missed the fine print on the Gerber College/Life Insurance Plan application....did anyone else see it?
I remember my sister telling me that she and her husband wanted to make sure that their son grew up never having a single negative feeling. I kind of think this is nuts. I went through a pretty crappy experience in high school where I learned first hand that life isn't fair and that there are some bad people out there. I spent hours sitting on the foot of my parents bed at night talking when I was going through this. I am really grateful for those night chats, as I learned how to work through bad things. I think our goal as parents shouldn't be to keep our kids from experiencing or facing those things, but rather helping them learn to cope with them well.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you are thinking about it already means that your son will get that -- you will teach him how to live in an unfair world and avoid and maybe even help diminish all the bad. He's a lucky little boy, and I know he'll make this world a better place!
Thank you! It's nice to take a break and come back and find an encouraging post from you! :-)
ReplyDelete