On Not Being Able/Willing to do the "Balancing/Multi-tasking" Act

September is right around the corner. I know this because our state just had it's "tax-free" weekend so people could run out and buy their back-to-school items and some other items not related to school (washers, dryers, big screen televisions, etc.). We don't do back-to-school shopping yet. What I do is back-to-school panic! I am fortunate enough because of ym faculty job to kind of have all summer off (I do teach summer school but it's optional so I don't count it as "work" although it definitely is working...)

I panic because mid-August hits and I say out loud to anyone who will listen "What happened to my 3 months? And why did I not finish 1 project that I was supposed to begin this summer?" It is disappointing but also puts me in a panic. I am on tenure-track, not yet tenured and need to be doing some serious work. Most of which I intended to do this summer, AND (not but) we went on vacation with our baby for the 1st time, spent quality time with friends and family, spent more time with baby, and got some cleaning done. So I wrote the following about balancing/multi-tasking and trying to do it all (it's in draft form); it's kind of long because it's going to a journal soon...

I am late in submitting my book chapter, I should have started my reappointment portfolio a month ago, I have not checked voice-mail messages in over 1 week, I am avoiding running the stats from my survey project, and my baby just woke up from a nap so I gotta go tend to him (which means it will be another few days before I get back to this opinion piece which has been waiting to be written for 9 months now)!

It seems that being good at multi-tasking is an admirable trait these days.  The ability to send an email while taking a telephone call and making dinner is often applauded.  The apparent ability to multi-task (despite the studies say that we should not encourage it in our children) helps one be more productive and keep things balanced.  I am so over trying to multi-task and balance the different aspects of my life that need balancing. Something has got to give, but what?

For a couple of decades now women (and men also) have been debating the work-outside-the-home mom vs. work-i- the-home-mom (formerly known as “stay-at-home-mom).  I have come to realize that an individual’s stance on this issue may change as she or he progresses through life stages and perhaps has a child of her or his own, losses a job, witnesses a spouse loss a job, job become more fulfilling than imagined, etc. In my younger days (pre-Ph.D. completion) I fantasized about being a stay-at-home mom.  I also fantasized about being married to a wealthy international businessman and jaunting off on weekend trips around the world, starting a fabulous non-profit to help women and children in impoverished regions, teaching the world to read, meeting my equally wealthy girlfriends for days of service and toting our babies around to political rallies in stylish clothing not made by child laborers! It is nice to dream from time to time and then reality hits (or I win the lottery which I do not currently play).

            My current fantasy is about not doing the balancing act.  Our family recently took a trip south to visit family and friends.  My Godmother awed out loud at my ability to be up, showered, dressed, and making breakfast for everyone while keeping our 9 month entertained at 8 a.m.  I smiled proudly and said “Yea, and you should see me when I’m working.”  What? Am I insane? Why was I proudly smiling and bragging that I can do this or better when school is in session? I must be losing my mind or suffering from what I call summer amnesia! When school is in session and I am teaching a full load, working towards tenure, struggling to maintain some type of social connection with my friends, struggling to be a doting wife and now an attentive mommy and I am TIRED! Why the hell am I trying to balance it all? Oh! Because someone told me that this is what the modern-day woman is supposed to do.  My grandmother stayed home and from time to time worked part-time, but was mostly a mom and wife.  My mother was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She hired a live-in nanny/housekeeper and focused on her career.  I thought I wanted to balance both of those lifestyles.

            Who am I kidding?! Just working towards tenure is a full-time job, not to mention that my teaching load is a full-time job aside from advising, sitting on committees, working in the community, and did I mention that sometimes I want to eat, take a shower, or dare I say it – get my hair or nails done???

            The pressure is obviously self-imposed. And society also has this expectation that women who choose to work outside of their homes and have families will balance it all out.  In some other economic era we might have been able to hire help, but then I would not truly be balancing it all myself – that’s kind of like cheating right? Or is it? I feel as if I have arrived at some point in life where some serious decisions need to be made about what is most important. Duh! My spouse and baby of course, and in order to help maintain our family unit I have to work (because we are not independently wealthy nor have we won the lottery), which given my educational background means teaching, advising, service, publishing, etc. So maybe the answer is to choose another career? Maybe I’m just having a mid-life pre-tenure crisis! But I am serious about the fact that I am done trying to balance it all…I do not yet know what, but something is going to have to give.